i was born a porn star she said
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
