YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
