i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
