Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
