i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
