The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
