don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
