suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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