Porn is love you can see.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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