I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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