I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
