I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
