My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
