I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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