i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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