genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
