remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
