Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
