so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
