I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
