How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
