I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
