After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
