Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
