my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
