I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
