did you get engaged???
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
