all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
