so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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