my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
