Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
