If i come over, it means nothing
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
