proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
