hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
