I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
