Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
