he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
