I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
