I wanna passion pit in your ass
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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