I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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