dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
