She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
