you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
