Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
