yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
