I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
