smell my finger.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
