day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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