She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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