my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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